Panic
by a beautiful catastrophe
Summary: Oh crap. I just threw a knife at Sirius Black. I nearly killed Sirius Black. You can't call almost murdering Sirius Black an accident can you? I didn't think so. Shit. I think now is a perfectly appropriate time to panic.
1. To Accidentally Almost Kill Sirius Black

**A/N: I've had this idea in my head for awhile, but it took a long time for all the pieces to fit together. I should've been working on How I Broke The Marauder's Heart or start writing Guess My Name or my other new projects but oh well. I hope you like it!**

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Every tale has some sort of beginning. Usually authors start off with a classic starter like _once upon a time_, _a long time ago _or something rather similar to that. The starter usually gives away the time era that the story is or was (have your pick) happening in. Then, they may give away the place their adventure is set in, or perhaps jump straight to the characters that are at the current scene. Often, the narrative is told in third person view, or in this case, first person view.

There is only so much I can tell you about writing a piece of fiction, the rest you can figure out yourself.

I guess this tale is mainly set in Hogwarts, which you probably know is a wizarding school for people that can perform magic – _wizards and witches._ Being more specific, I'm in potions class. As for the date, let's just say we're in the year _nineteen seventy-six. _For some reason, I find writing the date down in letters rather than numbers more appealing.

Now for characters, obviously there's me, then my best friend Gertrude, who prefers being called by her middle name, Amelia (Lia), and not to mention the professor, Professor Slughorn. There's also the two boys (or arrogant berks) at the back who everyone (except for me and _perhaps_ Lia) seem to adore, James Potter and Sirius Black.

James Potter has messy dark brown or possibly even black hair and hazel eyes, not to mention glasses. He's the chaser on the Gryffindor quidditch team and what people call _one of the most legendary pranksters since Owen Hawke. _Sirius Black has black hair (for sure – it's as black as night) that falls just past his chin and grey eyes that seem to pierce through you. He's a beater on the Gryffindor quidditch team as well and is a little too confident for his own good, I mean, honestly, relying on your smile to get a girl into a broom closet is a little risky.

I sat at my desk along with Lia, who was chopping up the mandrake root – potions were never one of my good subjects. However, I knew the mandrake root was the last step for the potion, after adding them in, the potion was finished.

"You all have five minutes to finish your potion!" Professor Slughorn's voice boomed loudly over the chattering of several students.

"Quick, Lia! Hurry up!" I exclaimed, beginning to drum my fingers against the table – a typical nervous habit.

"You know I don't do well under pressure, Vee." She said, her teeth gritted and hands shaking.

"We've got to get it in time! I-"

She cut me off with, "Well, you do it then!" shoving me the half cut root and the knife across the table.

I picked up the knife and clumsily began to chop the remainder of the root into uneven, chunky pieces. I knew I was failing miserably, and there was no time to run to the storage room to get another half a mandrake root. With two minutes on the clock, I wailed, "I give up, already!"

And then, being the totally impulsive person I was and not to mention I obviously wasn't thinking about the wellbeing of my fellow classmates: I threw the knife into the air behind me.

OH DEAR MERLIN I REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT.

And seriously, what happened next was just dandy.

"FUCK! GODRIC! WHO THREW THAT BLOODY KNIFE! MERLIN, IT HURTS! PROFESSOR SLUGHORN, I'M BLEEDING! THAT GIRL DOWN THERE THREW A KNIFE AT ME!" A voice that was entirely unexpected yelled in agony.

Oh crap.

I just threw a knife at Sirius Black. I nearly killed Sirius Black.

You can't call almost murdering Sirius Black an accident can you? I didn't think so.

Shit.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, and also by the way in case you were going to ask, Vee (who is narrating this fic) is a nickname for her real name Vivian. My main objective for this fic is for Vee to not be a mary-sue as I think as I progress in fics, I forget their flaws and start writing gobbledygook. So yeah. **

**REVIEW FOR ME, PLEASE?**

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	2. To Prod Potatoes

**A/N: ELEVEN REVIEWS! My goodness, I love all you guys that reviewed. You're all absolutely fantastic.**

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A decent piece of writing often has the main character go through many obstacles and difficulties. Usually the character's best friend or sidekick goes through the hardships with them - or in this case, I, being the main character had my best friend, Lia, abandon me through my talk with Slughorn.

"Miss Harding," Slughorn gave me a very disapproving look, "you may be aware that your grades are slipping."

I winced.

"So, Dumbledore and I have agreed it would be only prudent," Prudent? Who says that? "to give you a tutor."

A tutor? Oh, Godric, am I really that bad at potions?

"A tutor?" I echo my thoughts, rather disbelievingly.

"A tutor." Slughorn confirms. "You are to meet with your tutor and the head of their house, as well as the head of your house and Professor Dumbledore after dinner in my office, immediately after dinner."

I can't help but grumble annoyedly. Could this day get any worse? First: nearly killing Sirius Black, second: getting a zero on this lesson, third: getting a tutor. What did I do to deserve this?

"You'd better be going now," Professor Slughorn reminded me.

Then I got up from my seat, and walked out the door of the classroom, before stopping to check what I had next. Free period - yes! I could really use some ice-cream right now. But where to get it?

_Okay, there must be the kitchens somewhere, right? Where would the kitchens most likely be? _I asked myself. Stupidity had really taken advantage of me, because then, I walked right into James Potter.

JAMES POTTER.

SIRIUS BLACK'S BEST FRIEND.

BLOODY HELL.

"Ouch," he muttered, rubbing his arm, "watch where you're going next time, yeah?"

"Yes," was what came out of my mouth, in an unnaturally squeaky, high-pitched voice.

"Are you okay?" he asked concernedly, seeming to not realize that I was the girl that _nearly _murdered his best friend, "you sound as if you've seen something entirely unnatural happen. Or maybe you're high. Care to share some with me?"

"I'm not on anything! I just happened to have recently witnessed something very, um, disturbing!" I exclaimed, defensively, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Really?" he questioned, dubiously.

"Really." I said.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm very sure."

"Are you very _very _sure?" he asked, adding emphasis on the second "very".

"I'm extremely, sure, thank you very much." I sighed, "really, what do you want?"

He stopped to ponder this for a second, "Well, that happens to depend on what you want from me, doesn't it?"

"Look - I don't even know you! I bet you don't even know my name!" I exclaimed, huffily.

"I'd assume you know my name though," I rolled my eyes, "and if not," he continued, "then I am James Charlus Potter, pranking extraordinaire, quidditch legend, master of majority of secrets inside Hogwarts...and one of the exclusive Marauders." he finished triumphantly.

"Inflated ego, much?" I scoffed.

"Excuse me!" he exclaimed, looking not very offended, before looking at my questioning look, and quickly responding with, "oh, yeah, I'm not really affected by that anymore. Evans does it all the time." he said absentmindedly.

And then I couldn't help but realize he said "master of majority of secrets inside Hogwarts" - did that mean he knew where the kitchens were?

"Wouldyoupossiblyknowwherethe kitchensare?" I asked rather quickly, so that it sounded slurred.

"Pardon?" he asked, starting to ruffle is black-brown hair.

"Would you, um, know where the, erm, kitchens are?" I asked, blushing at how stupid it sounded out loud.

"Sure! Could've just asked, you know." he said, beginning to lead me to what I expected to be the stairway of ice-cream heaven.

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"So what happened in what I take as a horrible meeting with Slughorn?" Lia questioned me, as we were eating dinner.

"Nothing." I lied, prodding the half of a potato on my plate.

"You prodded the potato!" Lia exclaimed triumphantly. I looked at her oddly.

"What?" she exclaimed, "It means you're lying! When you're eating dinner and lying, Vee, you tend to poke at your food."

Damn her for being so observant.

I sighed. "I'm getting a tutor for potions," I said, before forking some of my rather sad looking potato into my mouth.

"How the bloody hell did you get into Ravenclaw?" she asked me incredulously, before starting on her green, green forest and beyond of salad. She had a rather big portion of greens on her plate, mind you.

"Shit," I muttered, remembering the meeting I had to go to in Slughorn's office, "I'll see you later."

"Where are you going?" she asked me, gripping my arm.

"Meeting with Slughorn," I told her, checking my watch, before hurrying off.

I walked hastily towards his office, before opening the door.

In one chair was McGonagall.

_The tutor was a Gryffindor._

In another was Slughorn - _of course, he was the one who had assigned who would be tutoring me._

In the one next to Slughorn was an empty seat, followed by Professor Flitwick, and then...oh god,

Sirius Black.

"I'm tutoring the girl who almost killed me?" he asked, incredulously.

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**What do you think of this chapter? Do you like how I've written James? And what do you think is going to happen next?**

**review, please?**

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	3. To Guess The Prefix Cy

**A/N: ANOTHER ELEVEN REVIEWS! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!**

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Often, the main character stays strong. But once in a while, they have emotional breakdowns and people attempt to comfort/calm them and some people just don't care. I, being the main character, Sirius being the one not caring.

McGonagall pursed her lips. "We thought it would be best to have you as her tutor Black, so then you could...how do I put it...you two could go back to being acquaintances and we would have no violence or rivalry between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. Ravenclaw and Gryffindor have been on good terms for a while now, and we don't want to stir up any hatred."

"No hatred? I already hate her! Making me tutor her would just make whatever rivalry issue that is bound to happen worse!" Sirius exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm sorry!" I apologized, "I'm really, really, sorry, Sirius!"

"Don't call me that!" he said sharply, his eyes trying to burn holes through my forehead, "Only my friends call me that, and you clearly aren't."

"I- uhm, Black, I'm so sorry! I wasn't aiming for you! It was an accident, I swear! I wasn't thinking when I threw that knife!" I apologized again, but this time, my eyes were beginning to tear.

"Hell, obviously, you weren't thinking. I now have a scar on my arm, and you know what? It's _permanent_." he spat bitterly at me.

He rolled up the sleeve of his sweater, only to show a white line of scarring going from the middle of his forearm to his wrist.

I gasped, horrified that I had done such a thing to Sirius Black, out of all people.

"I am so sorry!" I blurted out, before unconciously biting the tip of my fingernail. I quickly yanked my hand away, he probably thought I was a disgusting, drooling baby now...dear Godric.

"So I've heard."

I actually began to cry now, tears rolled down my cheeks, oh joy.

Sniffling, I got up from my seat, walked out the doorway and gripping the door handle tightly I slammed the door shut.

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"Eleanor's father has five children. Their names are Cyrus, Cyril, Cyprus and Cygnus. What is the name of the fifth child?" the eagle asked.

"Um...something starting with the prefix Cy?" I asked the eagle hopefully.

"I'm afraid that is wrong. Would you like to wait, or try again?"

"Merlin..." I groaned, wiping away my tears with the sleeve of my sweater, "What was the question again?"

"Eleanor's father has five children. Their names are Cyrus, Cyril, Cyprus and Cygnus. What is the name of the fifth child?" the eagle repeated.

"Um...um..." I pressed a hand to my forehead, "Eleanor's father has five children...Cyrus...Cywhatever and- oh! Eleanor! The fifth child is called Eleanor!" I exclaimed.

"Exactly." the eagle confirmed, and the door swung open.

Just as I was about to walk in-

"I can't believe you didn't get that one." said a slightly amused voice.

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**A/N: I felt like snickering when Sirius said the scar was permanent, haha. He's such a beauty queen :3**

**Review if you are awesome :)**

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	4. To Have A List

**A/N: Thank you to MotherOfMerlinsUnderwear, nacho5, Arina-Peachy, Lee's Descendent, Mrs. Theodore Nott, dreamyourwaythroughlife, Why Fireflies Flash and Karla for all your lovely reviews :) Personally, I really dislike the last chapter, and I plan to rewrite it sometime soon (or well, if I can be bothered). But anyway, here is the chapter where you find out who the person is!**

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I looked around and-

"I mean, seriously, Vee. Of course it had to be Eleanor, because Eleanor's father...oh, by the way, I have some exciting news to tell you when we get upstairs...shit, Vee, have you been crying?" Lia asked concernedly, well, concernedly at the end of all that nonsense.

"Maybe." I muttered, scuffing the toe of my shoe on the ground.

"C'mon, you can tell me, Vee."

Then came a 'really?' look from my face.

"Don't give me that face. Tell me, or I'm going to have to go illegal and steal Veritaserum from Slughorn's stores..." Lia trailed off, and I knew if I didn't tell her, she would actually go and steal it from Slughorn...

"Let's go upstairs, first," I said, running a hand through my tangled hair.

"Let's go."

And so we climbed the stairs up to the girls' dorm.

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"So, care to tell me what happened? It has something to do with Black and Slughorn, doesn't it?" Lia inquired, or rather pried.

"Yeah...oh, Lia, it was awful!" I started to tear up again, "Black called me "the girl that almost killed me", and then McGonagall told him that Slughorn, Dumbledore and her chose him as my tutor so that we could "reconcile"...and then he said that we were never friends in the first place which is true...and then I apologized to him and screamed at me and..." I hiccuped a bit, "...then I said "just don't bother coming to tutor me" and I ran out of the room and slammed the door..."

"Vivian Harding, that is epic, I love your style, so dramatic," was what Lia said, "I want to try that some day."

When I looked at her oddly, she responded with,

"What? I mean I want to be like all 'Don't bother tutoring me!' and dramatically running out of the room and slamming the door. Stop looking at me like that!"

I smiled at that, before saying, "You do that."

"Someday, Vee, I will." She smirked, "Someday. And just saying, fuck Sirius Black, he's a loser."

"I know you want to."

"Oh, shut up. I didn't mean it in that way...although if you really want, fuck Sirius Black, he's a horribly sexy loser."

I snorted.

"In your dreams, Lia."

"Every night, Vee."

I rolled my eyes. Sirius Black was a loser, and he was _not_ a sexy one.

Full stop.

And then a tawny owl flew through the open window. I took the letter from the owl and opened it.

_Miss Harding, despite difficulties between Mister Black and yourself, he has agreed to tutor you under these certain circumstances:_

Then, in messy handwriting, it read:

**1. No knives in the room.**

**2. No magical knives that permanently scar in the room.**

**3. No sharp or shiny objects in the room (that includes hair pins and hair clips and hair elastics with a metal thing joining the edges together).**

**4. No physical abuse to my (gorgeously sexy) body.**

**5. No physical abuse to my (beautiful) face.**

**6. No offensive language directed to me (because I am clearly a god).**

**7. No growing your nails to a metre so you can use them to stab me in the eye (or in my groin, thank you very much).**

**8. No not following all of the above.**

**9. No not following no. 8.**

**10. No not following no. 9.**

The handwriting changed back to the neat cursive script:

_You will meet Mister Black in classroom 1E on every Friday after dinner for a duration of half an hour._

_Kind Regards,_

_Professor McGonagall._

Dear Merlin. I thought I told him not to tutor me?

Godric, this isn't good.

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**A/N: Well, sorry to disappoint the people who thought it was Sirius :) **

**Reviews would be lovely :)**

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	5. Failing Fridays

**Failing Fridays  
**_in which Sirius isn't a villain and Vee silently adores Sirius' hair._

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Fridays were supposed to be one of the best days of the week. Well, they were until McGonagall and Slughorn decided that Sirius Black would have to tutor me every Friday.

Sirius Black, as in Sirius Black, the hot guy I accidentally stabbed with a potions knife.

Yeah, my life sucks. I totally fail at it.

Anyway, today so happened to be a Friday...unfortunately. Which meant day one of sitting in the same room as Sirius Black for _half an hour._

_One thousand and eight hundred_ seconds.

_One million and eight hundred thousand_ milliseconds.

That's a lot of time. Merlin, save me.

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I bit my lip as I approached classroom 1E, before stopping and looking down at the watch on my wrist.

It was fifteen minutes to seven.

_Maybe I can stall?_ I thought hopefully. _Is he in there? _

I took a peek through the glass on the door, and no, he wasn't in there._  
_

_I'm definitely stalling, then, _was what I thought, before bending down and undoing and retying the laces of my shoes. I did that a total of six or seven times, and then I heard a voice.

"Your shoe laces must be really interesting for you to be doing them up several times, you know."

I sloppily tied the laces on my right shoe, before getting up to face...uhm, _him_.

Yes, he's just that cool, his mother given name can go to the rubbish bin, because I'm renaming him _him._ Rather I'm a little scared to say or let along think his real name, because, well, it's very regal.

What?

Listen to it. Sirius Black.

It's intimidating!

And regal!

He's named after the brightest star in the sky, Sirius, but then his surname is Black, which represents darkness, which is rather contradictive. Light yet dark at the same time.

Definitely scary.

But anyway.

I look up to meet those piercing grey eyes of his, which seem to have a glint of amusement. It kind of reminded be of a storm, with the glint being the lightning and the cloudy greyness being the morbid backdrop.

"Why are you staring at me?"

Crap.

"Uhm, h-hi?" was what I managed to get out, before blushing.

Then his eyes narrowed. And the glint disappeared. And the sky in his eyes was moodier than before.

"Do you have anything sharp on you? Like a knife? Or specifically a magical potions knife? Like the one you intended to kill me the other day?"

"N-no!" I stuttered, raising my arms above my head as a sign of defeat, not that I had been versing him in any battle before, "I-I already told you that I was really, really sorry! It was an accident! I didn't mean for it to hit you! I'm so sorry! Is there anything I can do to make it up for you? Because if I can, I will! I'm so, so, so, sorry!"

The glint of amusement in his eye that had disappeared returned.

"I know you're sorry. And seriously - don't make the pun, thanks - I'm kind of sorry too - I overreacted that day. I don't hate you, really. I was just worked up about something, and nevermind you what that was." he said kindly, giving me a small smile.

HE SMILED AT ME.

AND APOLOGIZED.

AND ACCEPTED MY APOLOGY I HAD FREQUENTLY THROWN AT HIM.

WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO.

"You smiled at me. What is the world coming to?"

Somehow, my mouth had a brain of it's own. Because it had just repeated some of my thoughts.

"Is it a crime to smile?" he asked, grinning now.

AGH.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

SIRIUS BLACK GRINNED AT ME.

SIRIUS BLACK, GUY I THREW A KNIFE AT, WOMANIZER, HEARTTHROB, INCREDIBLY SMART AND GOOD LOOKING SIRIUS BLACK GRINNED AT ME.

CRAP.

WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME MELT.

WHY.

STOP THE SEXY GRIN.

YOU KNOW I CAN'T HANDLE THIS, YOU PRAT.

I'M MEEEEEEELTING.

THIS IS REVENGE, ISN'T IT?

I managed to force my mouth to say something worth listening to, that wasn't my usual shit, which was; "Yes, smiling is a crime, especially from you. Because right now you're being Little Miss Sunshine, and that's really creepy, because I expect you to come and stab me back with the same knife I accidentally threw at you in my sleep."

Well, I take my sentence back.

The first few words were alright.

Then my mouth totally ran off and started talking bullshit.

"Little Miss Sunshine?" he questioned, still grinning, "Last time I looked into the mirror, I was a male, thank you very much."

"Well, sweetheart, get your eyes checked. That Rapunzel-like hair of yours really needs to be cut off soon." I said.

It's easier just letting my mouth blab what it wants then just standing here trying to restrain myself. Because my talent to restrain myself from saying utterly psycho things is nonexistent. Clearly.

"You're just jealous."

And to be honest, I kind of was.

Because I looked like a person who was born and raised in a barn compared to _him_ with his Greek god-like physique. And hair.

Glorious locks of midnight, raven-y goodness, was his hair.

And mine was a dull, ash blonde.

Okay, let's pretend it's a stunning golden colour now. Black, eat your heart out.

"Mine hair is fabulous, thank you very much. You should be jealous of me."

"I suppose your hair is rather nice," he allowed, reluctantly. "but really, mine is much more gorgeous."

"In your dreams," I lied.

Agh. His hair is really, very, unfairly, pretty.

"Whatever you say then," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Shouldn't we get to the Potions tutoring thing?" I asked him, scratching my arm.

"Oh, yeah. Ladies first, though." he said, opening the classroom door and gesturing for me to go in first.

"Men, first," I said, not wanting to go in first just in case all the chatter was just a plot to make me go into the room so he could blow me up.

"Mademoiselle," he said, sighing exasperatedly, "why are you so difficult?"

"Monsieur," I said, mimicking his voice, "why are _you_ so difficult?"

"I'm not difficult, you are. Just go in or I'll-"

"Or you'll what?" I cut him off.

Then a devilish look came over his face and oh, no, whatever came next wasn't good.

"Go in or I'll throw you over my shoulder and carry you in."

"Ah! Don't!" I exclaimed, before sliding down against the wall and curling up into what resembled a ball.

"One..." he counted, "Two..." I winced, "Three."

Oh crap.

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He had managed to pry me out of my curled up position and sling me over his shoulder.

"Are you enjoying this?" he asked me, as he walked into the classroom.

"Not in the slightest!" I exclaimed, thrashing against him.

"Well, do you want me to drop you, then?"

OH CRAP. NO.

PLEASE DON'T DROP ME.

"Don't drop me! Please!" I exclaimed, clinging on to his shoulder as tight as I could.

"I wasn't going to. I just wanted to make you squirm." I felt his arms wrap around my waist and he set my down on the ground, fortunately intact.

"So. Where should we start, Vee?" he asked, smirking.

Oh, so now he can address me by my name. Brilliant.

"What's your name?" I asked him stupidly, before clapping my hands over my mouth.

STUPIDITY HURTS.

"Last time I checked, you knew my name." he was still smirking. Smirking that (not) sexy smirk of his.

"Yeah, but like I meant, what do I call you? Uhm, last time I checked, I was supposed to call you Black, but it seems that our friendship level has somewhat improved..."

"You can call me Sirius. I'm sorry about that other day, as you know."

"Yeah."

"So, let's start, yeah?"

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**A/N:**_ Hi, everyone ;) you see, for some reason, I actually felt like I wanted to write this chapter. It came out very easy, and I didn't have to force myself to make some nonsense come out. I hope the quality of this chapter is better than of the other chapters (apart from the first one, because y'know, this first one isn't actually too bad) because personally, I think it is. How do you like Sirius? Do you think Vee and Sirius' relationship has progressed too fast? Because personally, I picture Sirius as a very easy going character, and that aggressive Sirius you saw before was super angry about something before (which may or may not be revealed) so normally they would get along rather well._

_Anyway, I'm rambling. So. _

_Please review, I've written over 1k for you lovely readers, which is way past my normal chapter word count. And in your review, please tell me anything you think should be changed - and definitely tell me if Vee and Sirius' relationship is progressing way too fast._

_Thank you very much!_

_♥ to anyone to reviews._

_oh, and cookies _**(::) **_:D_


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